July 25, 2017 by aarong3eason
(Declined by The Federalist, I wrote this 10 minutes after Salon posted the article in question on their twitter feed yesterday morning, and I neglected to check the date of the article because I assumed they were promoting something relevant and recent but they were not, the article was from April, so lame! almost as lame as the Salon article itself)
I have never kissed a woman romantically who is not identical to the woman quietly sleeping next to me wearing the wedding ring I bought her 10 years ago. And I don’t have a guilty conscious about how I treat or talk to women. I don’t know that many guys who do. The ones who do usually did something terrible when they were not legally adults and haven’t done anything like that since then. In fact most of the people I know didn’t watch Madmen. They felt that Don Draper was hard to relate to because, well, he’s a whore. Same with The Sopranos.
For some reason my wife and I eat those sorts of shows up. Maybe its because our lives are so completely unlike the awfulness that pervades those cultures. It seems exotic and strange. Those characters do things we would never consider doing. Even the little things, the little ways that the characters undermine the humanity of others.
Whatever the case is my wife and I treat each other (unless we’re goofing around) and all members of the opposite sex with respect. We maintain healthy boundaries.
I used to do overnight support for a disabled person. Most people who need 24 hour in home care want to employ women. This is regardless of sex. Women simply provide better personal care. They are more empathetic and more gentle. I believe that I provided the best care I could but it was always obvious to me that the women I worked with were simply better at the job. But because I did 24 hour care there were times when I would show up for a shift or leave a shift either very late at night or very early in the morning. And sometimes that meant one of my coworkers was wearing “pajamas”. If you’ve never done this sort of work it’s hard to explain how normal this is. And usually I didn’t think twice about it. But the longer I worked with this particular client the more I started to notice that these “pajamas” were often the sort of thing that would embarrass the infamous Wal Mart people. And when I noticed this I felt embarrassed.
One day I remember thinking “what if my wife was parked outside and she saw that young attractive girl leave this apartment wearing that while I’m still inside.” It made me feel gross all over. So I discussed it with my supervisor and she understood exactly what I was saying. She didn’t judge me or make me feel weird. And then I told my wife about it. And it made her feel icky too but she wasn’t mad or thought I was doing anything wrong. She understood that I loved her and didn’t want there to ever be an appearance of anything untoward.
And when I discussed it with my supervisor I didn’t say “look these sluts they gotta go Amish, I’m talking Kelly McGillis in the Witness or I’m out of here.” I just explained to her the situation and she said pretty much what I figured she would say: “since we don’t have a dress code or a uniform there isn’t really anything we can officially do about it but I will discuss it with the uh worst offenders.” Because as she said “it bothered” her as well but she had “gotten used to tuning that sort of thing out.” And the truth is nothing really changed but at least I felt like I had been responsible and respectful. Both of my wife and the women I worked with. I wasn’t disgusted by them, it was because I respected them as people. I suppose I could’ve made some horrible sexual comment and they probably would’ve covered up. But that’s not the way I was raised. I don’t try to shame or control adults. Especially women.
And I don’t think of myself as a great guy for respecting women. That is baseline. If I’m a great guy its because of morally exemplary things I do, not the morally basic ones. And almost every man I’ve ever known thinks and acts like this. The ones that don’t or haven’t are pigs.
But I guess this has sheltered me and produced great naivety. Because when I read Lucian Truscott’s blatantly misandrist Salon article this morning I was rather shocked. Mostly I was shocked at how misogynistic a well respected 70 year old man could be. Maybe this was merely virtue signal puff but he actually claims that he’s never learned how to treat women right. Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s exactly what this means:
“Isn’t that what it comes down to? Men treating women right? Fifty-seven years ago, my mother and those girls taught me a lesson that even though I remember it all these years later, I never really learned.”
Astonishing. 70 years of life, 57 since apparently being actually taught how to treat ladies like ladies and nothing to show for it. That’s remarkably sad.
And what’s worse he doesn’t really seem to have a plan or even the desire to rid himself of this vice. He’s just a dude after all. And deep down all dudes have a little O’Reilly in em that makes them treat chicks badly. Oh well. I guess Lena Dunham was right, all the dudes have to go. Either that or government enforced chemical castration.
That is pure misandry. And what’s worse its misandry that excuses O’Reilly and every other dude who ever did something awful to a woman. It’s just a man thing after all. Sexual harassment is just something dudes do bro. I thought Salon was supposed to be a progressive publication, the kind that didn’t victim shame women who have been raped. But isn’t this basically the exact same logic at play.
Ladies you have been warned: dudes are awful. They will do terrible horrible things to you. But it’s not their fault. I mean if a Scorpion stings you that’s on you. That’s just what scorpions do. You shouldn’t have gone into the desert wearing open toed sandals.
So Salon has endorsed victim shaming I guess. What other conclusion is there? That this piece was satirical? I wish that were true. If Truscott was being serious then Salon probably needs to publish an apology for legitimizing the shaming of rape victims.
But that’s not what will happen. What will happen is Truscott will be lauded by someone somewhere for his courage to admit what we all know: men are scum. Can anyone really wonder why so many Americans did not care about the awful things Trump says about women when awful things like this are said about men every single day? The answer sadly is yes they can and do wonder about, all the time.
But there is something more astonishing than all of that on the pages in front of me. As I go back through proofreading…I just realized that spell check doesn’t know how to spell misandry. My spell check doesn’t think misandry is a word…and so this article ends with a whimper.